Thursday, April 1, 2010

I have conquered!

Some of you may remember my story earlier about my tears and how I think I can battle them. Well I did it. After attending a "Thinking Errors" group session, I experienced a situation at work yesterday that I felt extremely frustrated about. During the group session I learned some key phrases and ideas that helped me cope with this particular situation.

1. An event takes place
2. As a result, I have an emotion.
a. I experience a physical manifestation of that emotion
b. My behavior reflect my reaction to the physical manifestation.

The key to this concept is using what I know about the event and the emotion to switch from negative behaviors to positive ones.

With those things fresh in my mind I had this experience...

1. Former patient called with a unique set of challenges in obtaining his medical records from waaaaayyy back. I asked for assistance from the appropriate department and was denied.
2. I became frustrated. Angry. How could they not do everything in their power to assist this patient? I was bending over backwards, using my resources to help him with this situation. Why couldn't think outside their box to see it my way? I provided them everything they would need to answer his questions, but they would not hear it.
a. I first felt confused. Then after the call, I felt the welling up inside my chest, and my eyes began to turn bloodshot. I could feel the tearduct start to fill.
b. Normally this would be a point where I think to myself, "oh here we go again, these uncontrollable tears that I cannot fight" Which would then be followed by "great, now I'm crying, I'm such a boob, and now everyone else is thinking the same thing" leading to more tears. But instead of this pattern which usually sends me spinning, hurtling out of control at times, I took a deep breath. I paused for a moment. I finished my task and then turned around to process with a coworker.

Do you know what I did? I was able to calm myself, and my eyes cleared up, and my heart stopped pounding and I no longer felt the need to cry.

I feel like this is a momentous growth for me. I truly can fight these tears and these negative thoughts that sometime fight their way into my life.

Now comes the part where I apply this to my knitting.

I'm in the testing phase of a couple of patterns.
1. Honest input is given to me about a pattern, the wording, or the techniques.
2. The old me might have felt hurt, or insulted, or rejected.
a. the old me might have thrown my hands in the air,

b. the old me would have then taken a defensive stance and maybe even vocalized the frustration, or altered my ideas about test knitting to make the next experience better. Which of course is a reasonable reaction to what the old me just percieved.

2. Not this time Me! I did not feel hurt or rejected. I felt excited. This was a chance to better my pattern, to further my business, and achieve my ultimate goal.
a. I smiled

b. I reread the comments, looked at the pattern again. Corrected the issues that were addressed because I agreed with the comments. And sent out not only replies to the specific questions, but the revised patterns.

Overall, not only am I several steps closer to having complete patterns, but I have learned much about writing patterns, and have conquered one of my personal demons as well. YAY ME!

Today is better than yesterday for this reason. Well that and it's my Friday, so I can go home and knit all weekend and make more homemade caramel. So fun! Yes caramel is fave recipe this week. And If I make it and bring it to work then I don't feel so guilty about eating it. LOL